I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
