the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
