I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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