WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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