when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
