yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize