We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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