there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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