Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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