lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Randomize
