Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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