I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize