I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
babies were throwing up all over the place
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So much rum. So many feels.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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