we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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