Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
