someone owes me an orgasm
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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