it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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