dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
