the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
