Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize