the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
