i jhust puked up my retainher.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
