I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize