You're my little dorito
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
