I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
