Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
