It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
