the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
