I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
