Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
