We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
