I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
