wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
