fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize