if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Sorry about my life...
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
