I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
