doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
