i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
