Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
