I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
