Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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