haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The air taste purple.
Randomize
