cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
