Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
