I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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