I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
