K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
