I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
