Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have surprise drugs for everyone
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
