Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
