he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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