She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
