I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
