cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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