he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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