The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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