So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
