Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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