My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
