I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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