I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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