I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
there was a trapeze. enough said
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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