my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
