question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
