i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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